How We Move On
by reine-des-rythmes
Summary: Kirk returns to the Enterprise from being a captive on a mining planet. He brings ten ex-captives with him. Emotional fallout ensues.


A/N: Don't own. Also, I wrote this right after the movie came out, and though it references events that happened in the movie, rereading it made me realize that the Kirk, Spock, and McCoy voices were all half-TOS and half-Reboot!. Well. I didn't fix it, cuz I like the way I wrote it. So _there_. Enjoy!

Also, this story makes me cry in a happy way.

Inspiration for Eva Longreen heavily influenced by the Evan Wilson character in Uhura's Song by Janet Kagan, which I also do not own.

* * *

McCoy couldn't fathom the look on Kirk's face when he was beamed aboard, but it immediately set him on edge. He sent a single glance Spock's way, and damned if he didn't see a look of relief scurry across those stoic features. He turned his attention back to Kirk and approached him with a medical scanner, trying not to look too happy.

He couldn't help it; he grinned as he got close to his friend. "Dammit, Jim, but you scared us," he mumbled, reading the scanner's output. A few fractured ribs, a few knocks to the head, nothing worse than that. A miracle, in his professional opinion, considering that he hadn't seen the man in nearly a month. "Good to have you back, Captain."

Kirk barely looked at him. "Yeah… yeah." He sounded tired. McCoy's brows came together involuntarily. "Good to be back, Bones." He glanced behind him to the rest of the people on the transporter pad. "Get them patched up, would you? I'm beat."

"Captain," said Spock from the transporter console. "Starfleet will want a prompt debriefing of our rescue mission." McCoy looked – well, glared, really – at him, and the Vulcan seemed to rethink what he had been about to say. "… Would tomorrow morning be a sufficient time to hold such a …"

Spock trailed off. Surprised, McCoy and Kirk both gave him a strange look. He seemed to be in shock, staring at something or someone on the transporter pad. "Captain," he managed quietly, "is that a Vulcan child?"

Kirk nodded, understanding. He turned and took the hand of the small Vulcan girl behind him, smiling suddenly, and led her to his first officer.

"This is Spock," he informed her. "Spock, meet T'Svorlan."

McCoy stared incredulously at the meeting of the two kin. Spock had lost his rigidity, and almost fell to his knees. He somehow managed to remain dignified while descending to her level, and when he could, he stared into her wide, dark eyes. His hand rose in the formal Vulcan greeting, and the tiny hand mirrored it. The two simply looked at each other for what seemed to McCoy to be an insurmountable amount of time. He looked to Kirk again and was disheartened to find the smile had disappeared. He frowned himself and walked over to Kirk's side, scanning again.

"Something wrong, Jim?" he whispered, again finding nothing too painful.

The captain shrugged. "Not now, Bones." He raised his voice to break the spell over the Vulcans. "Spock, something you should know." The science officer looked up quickly.

"Yes, sir?"

"She's mute. She uses a few hand signals, which you can easily understand, I'm sure, but if she needs to talk about something complex, she… melds."

Spock was openly surprised now, and he turned back to T'Svorlan. "Is his statement true?"

She nodded, a tiny smile at the corners of her mouth. Then she held out her hand, fingers splayed, to his face. Spock did not flinch, but leaned into her touch.

"Doctor?" came a tentative voice from the platform. Before McCoy could react, Kirk cursed himself and ran back to the pad.

"Bones! I need you!" he called. McCoy quickly followed him to the platform where the rest of the ragtag bunch Kirk had fallen in with waited. Two Andorians were standing at the front, one supporting the other. Kirk explained. "Flyn was caught in a rockslide a few hours ago." He gestured to the hurt Andorian. "Can you take both of them to sickbay?"

"Are you injured?" McCoy asked the other Andorian.

"No, but he is my brother. I will accompany him," the other answered firmly.

"Alright, 's long as you don't get in my way. Can I get a stretcher over here?" He searched the rest of the group – two Cardassians and five humanoids including a Deltan. None seemed severely injured, so he began to escort the two Andorians to sickbay. He looked for Kirk to tell him that he wanted to fix his ribs and make sure he didn't have a concussion, but suddenly the man was nowhere to be found. "Where the hell'd he go?" McCoy directed to no one in particular, and then resigned himself to tending the Andorian and waiting for Kirk to show up later, complaining of the little aches and pains he'd left unattended.

Spock and T'Svorlan were still melded when he left the transporter room, and he could swear he saw joy on the first officer's face.

* * *

It was three hours before he remembered about Kirk. He'd stabilized the Andorian – Flyndunik – and convinced his brother – Dronar – to get some rest. Spock had come in with the Vulcan girl to get her checked out medically, and aside from a strange lack of vocal chords and some malnutrition, she was healthy. It was easy to see the affection Spock had for the child, who was no more than nine human years of age. McCoy fleetingly wondered what she had shown the stoic Vulcan to cause such a reaction, but threw the thought away. Hell, if it'd been Earth destroyed, not Vulcan, any one of them would have reacted to a lost-now-found human child the same way. Well, perhaps with more smiling.

When the two Vulcans left the room, the younger reaching up to grasp the dangling hand of the older, McCoy suddenly remembered Kirk. "Damn," he cursed, grabbing a medikit and practically running to the captain's quarters. He asked permission to enter only once before getting frustrated and forcing entry.

There was no one there.

"Jim!" he called. "Dammit! _Jim_! You better not be on the bridge! Where the blazes – Computer, locate Captain Kirk."

"_Captain Kirk is in the mess hall._"

McCoy quirked an eyebrow. Huh. Musta been hungry or something. He took off for the mess hall.

When he got there, he was surprised to see the tables pushed together around his captain. There were a ton of crewmembers, but immediately beside the captain were those with whom he had returned to the ship. Well, none of the crew had _seen_ a Cardassian in real life before. Much less a female.

And apparently, Cardassians are very interesting when drunk. There was raucous laughter all around the table as the male belted out a Cardassian drinking song that the universal translator was having trouble comprehending.

The song ended, and amid the laughter, McCoy approached Kirk and tapped him on the shoulder. He was pleased to see that the man was having a good time, smiling along with the laughter, but he was still distant. What happened on that planet to make him like this? McCoy wondered.

His patient-to-be looked up at him in surprise. "Why, the good Doctor has decided to join the festivities!"

"Hardly, Jim," growled McCoy. "You need a checkup, and you know it. My scanner picked up some fractured ribs earlier, and I'm sure you've left them untreated. Not to mention the fact that you should be concussed from all the head trauma your bruises tell me you've had…"

Kirk raised his hands in defense. "Alright, alright, Bones. I'll come quietly, just don't hypo me." He stood and turned to the Starfleet personnel around his guests. "Try not to get them too drunk, would ya?" he asked the nearest ensign, who giggled and turned purple around her gills.

"Not a problem, Captain," she burbled through her water-breather.

"C'mon, Jim," nudged McCoy. "This is not the time to flirt with the ladies."

For some reason, that sobered the captain up real fast. McCoy frowned harder than before and suggested they go to Jim's quarters rather than sickbay, to get away from the noise. Not that sickbay was particularly noisy right now – he just wanted to talk to Jim somewhere private. And Kirk wasn't about to complain about the change in setting.

"Were you drinking?" McCoy asked him on the way back to the captain's quarters.

"No. …a little. One drink, I swear."

McCoy harrumphed. "If you had stuck around I coulda given you an analgesic, rather than letting you resort to alcohol to dull the pain I'm sure those ribs are giving you." They arrived at their destination, and McCoy ordered him to lie down on the bed, pulling out his boneknitter.

"Anything broken, Bones?"

McCoy glared at him. "Luckily, no. Just fractures. I'll be done in a minute."

When he was done with the ribs he took a look at Kirk's skull, poking and prodding, searching for fractures and bumps. "When'd you hit your head?"

"I dunno." He let out a sigh. "When the mines exploded, I guess." The statement was unnaturally quiet. He recovered his voice and said, "Maybe in Flyn's rockslide. How is he?"

"He's fine. Don't distract me. I'm diagnosing _you _right now." But Jim's skull was fine. He harrumphed again and repacked his med supplies. When that was completed, he sat down in a chair across from Kirk, who was lying again on the bed. The captain looked over at him quizzically.

"Something you want, Bones?"

McCoy chewed on that a moment. "Yeah… What happened?"

Kirk lay back down on the bed. He coughed quietly a few times which McCoy knew to be medically inexplicable. What'd it mean? Discomfort? Did Jim _ever_ cough when he felt awkward?

Some emotion, then. Or he was trying to hint something, which didn't make _any_ damn sense. "Spit it out, dammit," the doctor grumbled gently. Clearly something was bothering Jim, and it was his duty to find out what.

"We lost someone." The voice that said those words was rough and pain-filled. "Another Starfleet officer. Sacrificed to blow up the mines." A heavy breath, eyes closed. "It should have been me…"

McCoy's sudden anger swallowed his sympathy. "The hell it should have been. D'you know what we were doing without you? When we thought you were dead and gone?" He laughed sharply. "Let me tell you, sonny, it wasn't pretty. Nobody wanted to work. Oh, it's not like no one likes Spock – he's a fine commanding officer," he reassured Kirk. "But you… _you_ are…"

Life itself, joy, and golden adventure in one, he wanted to tell him. "Irreplaceable, you hear me?" he said instead. "We were gonna have a psych crisis on our hands, morale was so low. Scotty – I've never seen a man drink so much. Chekov locked himself in his quarters when he wasn't on duty. Sulu was in the rec rooms as often as possible, challenging anyone and everyone to a duel. He beat everyone he fought." And he told me how you jumped off Nero's drill to save him, McCoy wanted to add, but didn't. "Spock was nearly as 'emotionally compromised' as he was after Vulcan. He spoke to no one, I think, except me'n Uhura. And he never gave up on the idea of finding you." He chuckled lightly. "You should thank him."

He realized Jim hadn't spoken in a while, and he peered at him. His eyes were still closed, and – oh, god, was he _crying_?

"Jim…" McCoy tried, but he was at a loss for words.

The captain breathed deeply and dragged his arm across his eyes. He sat up quickly, all sign of tears gone. "Thank you, Bones," he said earnestly. "I think I need to sleep."

McCoy could think of nothing to say. He let Jim show him out, wished him pleasant dreams, and left.

Outside the door, the only thing McCoy could think was 'There's something he's not telling me.' He warred with himself about going back inside, but decided against it. 'Let him sleep it off. If he still needs to talk after that, well, he knows where to find me.'

The problem would be ensuring Kirk _would_ find him if he needed to.

* * *

_There's something else I want to show you_, T'Svorlan intimated via the link through their hands, as they made their way to the observation deck. The delicate, communication-only bond the extremely young Vulcan could maintain between apparently any sentient being and herself was possibly the most remarkable thing about her, and Spock found himself returning to the link again and again to study her boundaries and controls. The first time he had "seen" them, he had thought them crude but accomplished, which she no doubt "heard" him think. However, as time passed, he began to notice things he hadn't before – like the careful block that allowed for expressive thinking without transferring emotions themselves, or the graceful way her mind could search for an answer to a question without showing him everything she thought. He now knew she would have to meet T'Pau and describe how she had come to do everything she could.

He returned his mind to the link. _What would that be?_

She giggled – _how very human_, he thought without reproach and even, perhaps, with envy – and said, _I have a … _katra.

He raised an eyebrow at her. _Of course. Every individual is known to possess something akin to what humans call a "soul," which in some species is intransitive, though in Vulcans it clearly is not –_

_No. I have another's. As well as my own,_ she added as clarification.

The other eyebrow went up. _Whose? How did you obtain this?_ Perhaps he was more severe than he should have been – but if she had unknowingly _taken_ someone's _katra_, she needed to be reprimanded.

_Eva Longreen's. She is here with me._ T'Svorlan's mind-self seemed thoughtful a moment, before saying, _She died saving us. The last time I spoke to her, before she died, something happened…_

As shocked as a Vulcan can be, Spock stopped them in the hallway and again knelt in front of her. She looked at him solemnly – she emoted only in her mind – and searched his face for anger. _I am not angry, merely surprised,_ he told her. _It is difficult to bear two_.

_She is not a burden. Would you like to speak to her?_

He inclined his head. _If she permits it_.

T'Svorlan's eyes met his for a moment, and then closed. When again they opened, she smiled, showing her teeth. She began to talk, but there was nothing but whispers, and when she realized this her speech slowed and stopped. Spock cocked his head to one side and took her hand. _Perhaps this way is better_, he suggested through the telepathic link. _Eva Longreen?_

She smiled again, and Spock marveled for a moment at the way it crinkled the skin around her dark eyes. _Yes. So you're Spock._

He inclined his head and raised an eyebrow to express the confusion she could already feel emanating from him. She laughed, and for a moment Spock could see her in his mind's eye, as she had been – short, blonde, with intelligent grey eyes. She was wearing her Starfleet uniform, though he knew she could not have worn it after so long on the mining colony; no, this was a mental image of how she saw herself. A Starfleet officer with serious eyes and a sudden laugh.

_Kirk told me much about you,_ she said by way of explanation. _You are …_ She appraised him critically. _Logical_, she said, almost approvingly. _And very much how he portrayed you. Though I think that part about your ears may have been exaggerated._

_Undoubtedly so,_ Spock agreed, and found himself comfortable with her. Strange, he thought privately, that he could connect so easily with one whom he had never met in life. Then he remembered T'Svorlan. _Why did the _katra_ transfer occur?_ he asked intently.

The image gave the impression of a shaking of the head. _I do not know. Lacey and I... were very close_, she said, tripping over the tense. _Perhaps it was spontaneous. Perhaps she has a power… to take it—this—when it is time._ She lifted an eyebrow.

He returned the gesture. _Lacey? _he inquired.

_It is a… ah, a pet name? A form of endearment which one bestows—_

_I am familiar with the term_, he interrupted gently. She nodded and smiled again. He was struck by a sudden uncomfortable thought. _Do you stay because of unfinished business? You must know by now that you can release yourself. Unless she holds you here…_

_No, I can… I am free to leave when I so choose._ She squirmed for a moment under his placid gaze. And then tears suddenly filled her eyes. _But she doesn't want me to. I can feel it. And Kirk… she told me Kirk is suffering, and I just wanted… I wanted…_ But her mind could not or would not finish the thought. He could feel T'Svorlan's presence carefully mediating the flow of emotion through the simple meld.

_You must move on. I do not know whether this has ever been done with a human before. You may… lose yourself, and you may harm T'Svorlan. I cannot allow you to do that._

She composed herself quickly, looking horrified. _I've already given my life for hers. I would not ruin my own sacrifice._ He nodded, satisfied, and asked her whether she would like to speak with Kirk.

She hesitated. _How is he? You are his friend… how did he seem… when you got aboard?_

_I have not had much of a chance to speak with the captain,_ he admitted, somewhat guiltily. _Learning about T'Svorlan has occupied most of my time since the survivors from the mines came aboard._

_Survivors? How many?_

_Eleven._

_Oh, gods. They all got away. They're all safe. Oh…_ Spock waited patiently until she had recovered herself again. Then she smiled again at him. _Yes, I want to speak to Kirk. Lacey should be able to mediate the meld. Then I will… go._

There was a sadness emanating from both occupants of the small Vulcan body, but T'Svorlan carefully kept it from influencing Spock's control of his own emotions. _Then perhaps now would be a good time. I fear that the longer we wait, the worse the effect will be on T'Svorlan._

_Of course. Okay, hon?_

Spock was startled until he realized she was not addressing him. Eva gave full control back to T'Svorlan and disappeared from his senses.

_We should find Jim_, said the Vulcan child to him, concealing her inner tears. He respected her privacy and did not offer any comfort.

_Yes._

_

* * *

_

The door chimed, and Kirk refused to open his eyes. "Go _away_," he muttered, rolling over onto his side and pulling the blank to his chin. He didn't need Bones picking away at his compromised emotions right now. He _did_ need more sleep if he was going to be able to pretend like nothing was wrong for another two shifts. He tried to slide back into unconsciousness, but the door chimed again, and Spock's (apologetic?) voice sounded over the comm.

"Captain, there is something T'Svorlan and I would like to show you."

"Is it _urgent_, Mr. Spock?" he growled from his bed.

There was only a slight hesitation. "Yes," replied his first officer. Kirk sat up and began to tug on his uniform from where it lay scattered on the floor. Spock was Spock, Vulcan child or no, and he would not lie if something was indeed urgent. "What is the nature of the emergency, Spock?" he asked as he pulled on a boot.

There was silence on the comm, and Kirk hurried to finish dressing. When the door slid open to reveal Spock and T'Svorlan, holding hands and looking—for the life of him, he could only say they looked _sad_—he almost lost his patience. "What's going on?" he demanded.

Spock met his tired gaze stoically. "Captain, have you heard of the Vulcan _katra_?"

Kirk's brow furrowed. "Yeah, Spock, it's your people's idea of a soul."

Spock inclined his head. "Yes." He met Kirk's gaze again, and seemed—

"Mr. Spock, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you look guilty about something."

"Impossible, Captain, as guilt is a human emotion." But Spock paused again, and glanced down at T'Svorlan, who gave his hand a small squeeze.

"Spock—"

"Captain, how well do you know Eva Longreen?"

Spock watched as Kirk's emotional barriers slammed down and the Captain's face became as stoic as his own. He worked his mouth for a moment and then looked away; Spock's fears were confirmed. He did not just know Longreen. He was in love with her. Not an atypical occurrence between the Captain and any female, but Spock could see, from his interaction with Longreen's _katra_ and Kirk's reaction to her name, that something deeper than physical attraction had taken place on the mining planet between the two Starfleet officers.

"Did," Kirk said finally, looking at T'Svorlan, who met his eyes with tear-filled ones. He reached out, and she took his hand.

"Captain?"

"You got the tense wrong," Kirk told him snappishly. "Eva is dead."

Spock bowed his head. "However," he began, "she is not yet gone," he told Kirk quietly.

Kirk whipped his head to give him a hard look. There was pain in his eyes, and hope, and fear. "What do you mean?"

_I have her _katra_,_ T'Svorlan informed them both through their linked hands, and Kirk fixed his angry gaze on her.

"That's not possible," he said gratingly. "Eva was human. And we didn't see her right before she died. She was back in the mines. You couldn't have …" His tirade lost power and trailed off as he searched her face for the truth. The three were silent for a long time as Kirk processed the possibilities. He sent a questioning glance at Spock.

"I was doubtful too, Captain, but T'Svorlan allowed me to speak to Lieutenant Longreen not twenty minutes ago. She is there."

"Can I…" Kirk fell silent again. He let go of T'Svorlan's hand and looked away from them, down the empty corridor, as he tried to compose himself. When he had, he turned to face them and knelt in front of T'Svorlan. "Let me speak to her," he asked, a small note of desperation. "Please, Lacey."

T'Svorlan let go of Spock's hand and placed both of her tiny hands on Kirk's temples, and human and Vulcan closed their eyes. Spock stepped away and watched for trespassers on the private moment. He was going to suggest moving to a more private place, but the Captain was nothing if not impulsive. Luckily the officers' quarters were located on a less-traveled corridor. He waited around a corner for twenty-nine point four minutes before returning to Kirk and T'Svorlan.

Kirk was carrying the child and talking to her, chuckling at whatever she intimated through the link between their touching skin. She was also in good humor. When Kirk turned to him, Spock immediately noted his bloodshot, dry eyes, and clasped his hands behind his back.

"I understand what has to be done, Spock," the Captain informed him preemptive of his question. "She wants to be released to space, so we're going to the observation deck. You are welcome to join us. T'Svorlan and Eva both enjoy your company, though _why_ they do, I'll never know. What is it with the women in my life preferring you over me?"

"I cannot comment on why females find me attractive, Captain, but as to their preference… I find it unlikely Lt. Longreen prefers my presence to yours."

Kirk smiled a smile that was more a grimace, and they headed to the observation deck.

The process took only four point seven minutes. T'Svorlan linked once more with Kirk so that Eva could give her final goodbyes, and then she linked with the window to space. Spock held her hand for the passing of the _katra_ to give her some mental stability. When it was all over, Spock released her hand, and she ran back to Kirk, wrapping herself around his legs and crying silently and unashamedly onto his pants. He stroked her hair and whispered to her, staring into space, but he did not cry. His eyes met Spock's.

"_Tushah nash-veh k'odu_," he told the Captain solemnly, knowing he would understand.

Kirk nodded to him. "Thank you."


End file.
